Career Angst

Oh, career angst!

Jipei, Amy, Miranda and I have been playing a game of Gmail tag where we mope about our mutual aimlessness with regards to careers and general life direction. We stare at all our college friends who are in graduate school or some job they’re invested in emotionally, not just physically, and feel the insecurity traitorously overshadowing our supposed carefree and exploratory twenty-something lives.

Which begs the question. Why? Everyone says this is the best time to be indecisive, with the lowest opportunity cost. Nothing to lose, don’t consume much, tons of energy. We’re educated, supposedly bright, personable and nice, have lots of friends. Why this career angst that threatens to overshadow any past achievements or notions of self worth?

I’ve been thinking about it, and it seems that while everyone consoling says that ‘don’t worry, the stakes are low at this age’, there is a simultaneous perception that actually they aren’t. And that’s because this attitude is usually perpetuated by people comfortably secure, though slightly envious/uncertain, but not enough to exchange their security for our purported freedom. It is a fact of human nature that the grass is always greener, so that we peripatetic purposeless profligates can envy you your stability, and you can envy us our lack of structure and then pat our heads and tell us it’s all right.

So anyway, why are the stakes high?

First, people identify. Fresh out of college kids suddenly lose the identity of a student and are grabbing around for something to fill the vacuum. Since motherhood or family comes later, right now that identity is tied up with what you do. Also, those of the idealistic ilk (hello, world!) take this way too seriously – a job isn’t just a label, it’s got to be a calling. There has to be authenticity, meaning, purpose etc, else you’re selling out.

Next, the workplace isn’t the same old static arena it used to be. Jobs are more temporary/contract, new jobs come out all the time, new skills need to be learned, employers expect you to hit the ground running, job descriptions are getting increasingly specialized… the general chaos and exclusivity makes it rather intimidating for new liberal arts college grads with general skills. Maybe that’s why more savvy peers pick the straight and narrow, and hop on the secure path as fast as they can.

Third, time is running out. Again another aspect of human nature – to compare. If so-and-so you grew up with is earning a lot of money/getting a PhD early/starting a family etc, and you’re still hanging around not having a clue in the world, it does feel like you’ll soon be left behind. Soon your best years will be behind you etc etc, and you frantically try to find something, anything, ignoring the little voice saying ‘this won’t be right for you anyway’.

This leads us to #4: success versus fulfillment. Actually, external success and internal fulfillment, and where the twain does meet. Everyone knows it’s easy to confuse indicators of success with personal fulfillment (eg. nice house/high status/great network vs satisfaction at a job well done) and we turn up our idealistic noses at those who choose the former over the latter… but what if an upbringing in a supremely materialistic/success-obsessed society and a very liberal, almost hippie education makes you want BOTH? But! because of your identity crisis (see #1) you can’t quite figure out the first step, or don’t see how the two fit together. Don’t you just kind of end up having….neither?

See, the stakes ARE high. Hence decisions are difficult because we can’t deal with making the wrong decision because we’ve made the stakes so high for ourselves.

Whew! Now, how to work around that? How to deal with fears, identity issues, expectations, perceptions etc etc? It’s not just a job anymore, playing on this stage called ‘career’ is a life! How does one decide to enter the stage – with a splash or with a whimper? Does an entry even matter? Can a understudy become a star? Can you switch characters? What if the stage lights fall and interrupt the flow of the play? (okay, the metaphor is wearing thin)

And I suspect any resolutions are the subject of another post. Off to explore Somerville and find me more fun cafes!